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 Review #4664262 |
| Hello, roseleewrites! I'm dropping by with a review of your poem, "Invalid Item" . I hope you find it helpful. Please feel free to reach out with additional questions, if you'd like me to take another look after you've made changes, or if you have any feedback for me on my reviewing style! HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  Ready for your review??  Title & ThemeThis title caught my eye in particular. You have quite a few poems in your port! The theme is lovely and very descriptive of a surreal experience in a pool of water under a beautiful moon. Lovely. StructureThe four-line stanzas, relatively short, work well with brief, descriptive lines that flow very well. It's a very simple structure that works perfectly for this poem. The focus is on the scene you set and the emotion you bring across with your words and not so much a complex form. Rhythm & FlowYour structure doesn't include rhyme, which is certainly not necessary as your words wax poetic on their own without the addition of rhyme as a poetic element. Each line is smooth but, as a whole, the poem seems to flow just as well as the water you describe. I would consider removing the word "and" at the beginning of the fourth line of the third stanza. It flows okay with it included, but I don't think it's necessary and it may sound even better without it. I read the section aloud both ways but I'm interested to hear what you think about that change? Imagery & EmotionYou set the scene from the very first line and continue to build out that scene with each line that followed. You included the senses, which heightened the experience for me as a reader. When you described an emotional connection to the experience in the final stanza, I felt that as well. I loved how the imagery and emotion continued to build as I read this short poem. CreativityI have read quite a few poems describing moonlight but I feel this is unique in that you have a sensory connection to the water and an emotional connection to the experience. The way you've expressed it is also very unique and creative. Language/VocabularyI love the extensive collection of slanted words you've used, or words that have more than one purpose in the poem. Words may offer a description of a physical setting but also carry an emotional undertone that adds another dimension. The words you've chosen give the poem a lyrical quality as well, I think. Just to pull out a few of the most impactful words: blended, allure, embracing, admiring, solitude. Spelling/GrammarIn a poem like this, where the thoughts are nearly complete (almost full sentences), it can be helpful to think of them as written out in a single line when deciding where punctuation should be placed. This is especially true when deciding which lines should have punctuation at the end and which lines shouldn't have any. I would use this technique to decide whether to capitalize the first letter of a new line as well. The first letter of the stanza should be capitalized and the first letter of a line only after you use a period at the end of the line before. If you use a comma, a dash, or have no punctuation, it should be lowercase. I don't mind helping with line edits as an example if you would like to see what this looks like. Just let me know! Most LikedYou've done a fantastic job building a scene that is very easy to visualize and also creates an emotional impact for a reader, evoking a calmness in this tranquil space. But I think what I loved most is that I wasn't just seeing this seeing this space, but I felt myself IN this space. Quite the accomplishment in this short poem and I'm very impressed! Suggestions for ImprovementOnly the punctuation. I think this poem really benefits from it because the lines would be nearly complete sentences if they were written out linear. However, commas and other punctuation will cause pauses of various lengths as your reader experiences the poem so they should be in the correct places. Personal ThoughtsThis is a very visually powerful poem that has a strong emotional impact as well. I really loved reading and experiencing it. Keep writing great poetry! If you haven't already been recruited into the Angel Army, then check out this forum. Simply make a post in the forum or send an email directly to iKïyå§ama  ."The WDC Angel Army" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 07/25/2022 @ 2:05am EDT