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Review #4662915
Viewing a review of:
 The Robot and the Ghost Open in new Window. [13+]
A case for a robot detective.
by Kotaro Author Icon
Review by Starling Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Notes:
I love the name of your Detective agency… perfect.
Interesting take on the story. You’ve been able to set the stage to style it as one of the old detective shows on television or in the movies, nicely done. I have included a line-by-line review.
Red - needed changes
Blue- suggested changes or comments.
***It all started one blue sky morning as I was tossing some acorns to the neighborhood squirrel. A voice spoke, but unlike anything (comma) I had heard before. I learned telepathy was sort of like a mix between speaking to yourself and someone whispering in your ear.
***“Where are you. (question mark, not a period) It feels like your you’re speaking inside of me.”
***“I can’t get through to just anybody, and the only audible sounds I can make is are like the wind blowing. He ignores it.”
***“My programming won’t permit me to take that money. Since you’re dead that money doesn’t belong to you. It would be robbery.” There was a weak drawn out (hyphenated) gust. Her repertoire of sounds was increasing.
***That tripped my circuits. To equate me to Obi Wan (hyphenated) Kenobi was too much. I couldn’t turn her down.
***“Well, my husband, Clint, and I had been out drinking. We took a cab home, (no comma) and had another drink before going upstairs to our bedroom. At the top of the stairs, he shoved me down. …
***“Okay. I get the drift. Do you have any idea on how to pin the murder on Clint?” There was that weak long drawn out (hyphenated) gust again.
***“Her husband has a reputation as a wife beater. (hyphenated)
***”He is a wife beater. (hyphenated), but that alone don’t doesn’t make him a killer.”
***A meticulous perusal gave me one thing to consider. What if her neck hadn’t been broken in the fall? The stairs were heavily carpeted, (no comma) and would have cushioned the impact. This would explain why no other bones other than those in her neck were found to be broken.
***“Come right over here.” I felt a chill as she glided next to me. She placed a ghostly finger over the letter g. It went on the g then (I would put the letter “g” in double quotes, or you could write the -g if you want) through the keyboard. Nothing appeared on the screen though it did fog up. That was when I saw the solution to her communication problems.

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Ultimate Trinket Adventure [Mainland] Open in new Window. (E)
Collect treasures, complete tasks, and win the golden Apple..
#2267246 by GERVIC Author IconMail Icon

   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/30/2022 @ 11:50pm EDT
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