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Given: Jun 22, 2022 at 7:02pm
Length: 835 Characters |
826 w/o WritingML
So my first suggestion is that you link these on the feed when you post them so that it is easier for people to turn around and review you. I like these stories but I find your recycling of characters and plots a little off-putting. I would like it if these characters actually had completely new adventures rather than the same adventures over and over just with different endings. You have the talent. Use it.
In terms of improvements to this particular iteration, you could do with less telling and more showing. Get us in their heads more by showing us their reactions to things rather than just a bunch of dialog. I could use more description of the Cosmos bar. I can't really see it except vaguely. I enjoy these little stories but with a little more meat to them you could really develop a wider reader base.
You responded to this review 06/22/2022 @ 7:35pm EDT
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