*** Nicely written. I loved the surprise ending. A possible suggestion would be to put what was written in the journal into italics, but it works as you have it written. With the ending, you have you are giving the hint the man eventually got out of the Hell Cell or had a family before he went in. I can see several possibilities of making this the end to a longer story, or even the beginning of a story about the children.
I have provided a line-by-line review.
*** Total escapees: 0. (normally any number ten or below is written as a word. Your number works here though) Even if ya do manage to break out, the nearest space port (one word) is five miles away, and the Martian atmosphere ain't exactly a welcoming thing.
***... My real name is #1226926 - that's all I really am to society now: a number, (no comma) and a sack of meat. But in here is different - within these steel walls is a tiny pocket of the universe where "society" don't doesn’t exist.
***... I didn't used (no -d) to, but this place has changed me, in a weird way.
*** My father was in the Titanium business. He was the essentially the father of laser-mining, (not normally hyphenated) or some shit like that. In any case, we were rich, and life was hellishly boring.
***... I was pretty damn smart, (no comma) and athletic to boot. I had great things ahead of me. Potential. At least according to those examiners and private tutors (comma) my dad would hire. I resisted it all though. I didn't go to school (for all you young people reading this, (no comma) if you're reading this: school was a building you went to in order to learn shit before Virtual Reality Education became a standard.
***But with that realisation (spelling) came an understanding. Society - the thing which I scorned, which I found too 'boring' - is important. It's an illusion, yes, but it's an illusion we must bear in order to survive. Without that illusion, we have nothing.

From: {bitem:2267246)


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .