*Need spaces between paragraphs
*Remove the word "that" in as many places as possible to make the reading more concise
*Interesting ending. There was definitely a nice build-up to what you concluded in the end.

***(Quote marks)That party was amazing."
***"Hey (comma) I didn't drink that much."
*** Yes I was only 16 and Ryan was 17 but a little rule breaking (hyphenated) every once in a while was ok right? We were good most of the time.
***The other car had just hit us but no harm was done. (comma not a period, lower case on -e) Except for the paint job.
***"Be safe." He drove away slowly and taking took care to stop at every intersection. I worried (comma) even more (comma) when he was no longer in my sight.
***I walked into my house and saw just enough of my parents to say that my phone had died and that I was sorry for being out too late.
***He asked me out and after a much longer pause of shock that than I'd care to admit, I answered yes.
***(new paragraph) The next night I had another nightmare, only this time, the headlights came even closer.
***It was a relief to have someone who suffers the homework load along side (one word) you. It was even better with the one I loved.
***(new paragraph)The last years of high school came and went. I had to come to terms that when summer ended I was going to college. ***Worse Jason and I were going to different colleges. He wanted to be a lawyer and I wanted to be a vet. Colleges didn't exactly agree with teaching both subjects.
***(new paragraph)After the close call car crash (comma) I worried more about enjoying life so living my dreams had become my first priority.
I also succeeded in doing something throughout my whole college career what that most students couldn't do for a week. I never drank.
***I had heard way too many stories of students waiting years after college for a steady job. now (Cap) I had one. My life had flown by without warning.
***(new paragraph) In that year I mostly saw Ryan.
***The day before Jason was supposed to come home rushed towards (no -s) me.
***(new Paragraph) When I saw his car pull into my driveway it took my me ten seconds to get from my room to his car door. It took him less time to open his door and rush to me.
***I didn't want to mute the movie because than then they would know I was listening in. I gave my boyfriend and dad some privacy. A minute later Jason came in and got down on one knee.
***After my wedding (comma) my friends started to get married too.
***(new paragraph)It was two years after marrying Jason when we had our little baby girl Sophia. She was the joy of our lives. Nothing made Jason and I me happier than watching Sophia learn, play, and grow. Her first birthday came and it was just Jason and I me. We didn't want a big party. because (comma not a period, lower case on -s)She was only one, (period not a comma, caps on -W) we would save the huge parties for her teen years.
*** After a day of spoiling Sophia with new toys and ice cream (comma) we all went to bed. I knew the second I fell asleep I was going to have my final nightmare.
***I felt the car flip and watched in horror through my spinning vision as the other car veer of veered off the road. I was aware of Ryan in the seat next to me. Then it ended.
***(new paragraph) People say your life flashes before your eyes in the last seconds before death comes. That happens every day (comma) doesn't it? Our mind is constantly recalling memories, our life (comma) and our past every second of the day.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .