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 Review #4654120 |
| A   ReviewMy reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you and leave the rest. First Impression I've always enjoyed reading books with Native Americans as the main characters, so I was pulled into your story right away! In the first paragraph, you give the reader a bit of background on the Nooksack Tribe—where they lived, what their skills were, and how they suffered from so much loss of life. You also include the year, 1880. You begin your story with Mightywolf (the chief's son) attending his first Pow-Wow with his father and other tribal leaders. The returning hunting party had brought back two sick white men, and a map was discovered in the older white man's pocket. As Darkhorse, Gentlebrook and Littlefox cared for the white men (who were too ill to speak sensibly), the council discussed the map which depicted the sacred burial grounds and a nearby cave that contained yellow metal. It was agreed upon to search the cave and hide the yellow metal to a new location. When the older white man dies, and Little Fox becomes sick, time is of the essence. And now I want to read more!  You've definitely piqued my curiosity! You've got good visuals and descriptions. You obviously have done some research, too. Nice work!Thoughts/Suggestions  the Chief's son  the chief's son No need to capitalize the c in chief unless it's part of a name, like Chief Runningwolf. For instance... the doctor, the commissioner, and the sergeant, would not be capitalized unless they were Doctor Smith, Commissioner Wiggins, and Sergeant Booker.  There are a few other areas, too, that you will want to edit this.  and destroyed the fragile ecosystem You might consider using a replacement word for ecosystem, only because the word wasn't used until around 1935 for the first time.Favorites The Chief removed the leather rolled-up map from a small cloth sack and passed it around to all the members. As the map made its way around the circle, looks of surprise followed by concern flashed across their faces. Great image! Best of luck in the contest and please be sure not to edit until the winners are announced! Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 04/09/2022 @ 9:02pm EDT