%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4653770 |
 | A map to Hellenbach  [13+] A map, a story, a quest  |
| (4.5)| A  ReviewMy reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. First Impression First of all, let me say the title is extremely intriguing! A Map to Hellenbach. Your two characters in this chapter are curious about what the grandfather's friend had meant by, To Hell and back. Since you do leave a footnote that there is a small town in Bavaria named Hellenbach, and this is part of your title, I will assume (or should I not assume?  ) that this is the place your two characters will travel to? (I'm not expecting you to answer, of course, but as a reader, this is arousing my curiosity.) At this point (end-of-chapter), the readers are possibly making their own predictions but truly don't know and want to continue reading in order to find out. But since this is a first chapter, there will definitely be time for an adventure! Where will the map lead? Is it a treasure hunt? Pirates? A yellow submarine? Had the grandfather's friend sang the submarine song as a clue? Since the grandfather's friend passed and was never able to finish his story, will it be discovered by the end of the book? There are many interesting questions in this first chapter that the readers will be compelled to finding answers to. Thoughts/Suggestions  "Okay Tiger... so it isn't trash. But what does it mean."  "Okay[,] Tiger... so it isn't trash. But what does it mean[?]" The first time I read through this chapter, I was a little confused on who was speaking, due to no dialogue tags. The second time, however, I was able to figure it out. Which also brings up the question (from the reader's POV), What are the characters' names? The character who is telling the story, does refer to the other character as Tiger once, but I wasn't sure if that was his actual name or not. You might also consider giving a name to the grandfather's friend. Just a thought!Favorites The lines made loops and circles as if some lazy bird was etching daisies across the sky or maybe like an errant mole who couldn't see where it was going.  I think you should definitely continue this story! I would love to read it.  Best of luck in the contest! Please remember not to edit till after the winners are announced. Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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