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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4653540
Review #4653540
Viewing a review of:
 Mary The Koala Open in new Window. [E]
Limerick for children
by Sumojo Author Icon
Review of Mary The Koala  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Greetings, Sumojo, I am reviewing this today as one of two judges for the "Writing 4 Kids-CLOSED till Spring" Open in new Window.. Please do not edit your limerick until after the winners are announced! Thank you! *Smile*

*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand

*Right* Required Syllables: 8/8/5/5/8 --> Didn't follow this meter
*Right* Required Rhyme: a/a/b/b/a --> Very good rhyming

*Crayons4* First Impression: This is adorable! I loved it. *Smile*

*Crayons7* Meter: Well...*Whistle* Much of your meter was 9/9/6/6/9, which reads great, but the prompt required 8/8/5/5/9. And some stanzas were mixed. One line was 11 syllables. *Whistle*

*Crayons* Flow: Mostly, very nice flow. There were some lines, however, that needed some tweaking.

*Crayons5* Technicalities:

There are some areas that need punctuation. Here is one example:
She disliked the taste
Would screw up her face
You might consider adding commas for pause.
She disliked the taste,
Would screw up her face,

*Bullet* In Stanza 5, you might consider using italics for the letter beginning with Dear Mum.

*Crayons2* Favorites: Even though the meter didn't follow the prompt in most stanzas, I absolutely loved this:

I’m looking so fine
In this sweater of mine.
Now, please can you knit me some socks?

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: I loved the emoticons you included! They are like mini illustrations. *Bigsmile* This would be a great piece for an illustrator. I love the sweater idea and then Mary asking for socks, too. *Laugh* Maybe after the winners are announced, you might try to follow the meter in 9/9/6/6/9, since that is what most of your stanzas are close to. All in all, this is a fun piece and I loved the visuals and the cute little story!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/04/2022 @ 9:26am EDT
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