\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4653258
Review #4653258
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Good characters in this chapter. There ar a couple of places where your point of view wanders. In the same paragraph you have a character speaking in first person, being discussed in third person limited, and then you have the other character being discussed in third person limited. You need to go through and nail down the point of view. It seems you want to write this from Matthew's point of view but it does shift to Joe's in a couple of places. If you want to shift your point of view I would separate them into separate scenes. I wouldn't confuse the reader at any point with a first-person point of view.

The tone of this chapter is completely different than the first one I read. It is highly character-driven. I would suggest using this as the first chapter and having the information from the first chapter peppered into the action later as Mathew becomes aware of it. Let him get flashes of memories of the alien world as a side effect of what happens to him.

There is quite a few typos in this chapter and a few grammar errors too. I am not great with editing for grammar by myself. I tend to trust Grammarly to catch most of them. Grammarly is a free browser extension that you can use to catch grammar and spelling mistakes. I love it.

It is a vast improvement over the previous chapter interms of drawing you in.
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4653258