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Review #4649366
Viewing a review of:
 What good? Open in new Window. [E]
what good are the things that cannot do what they were born to?
by LunaMoon Author Icon
Review of What good?  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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This one showed up on 'Random Reads'.

Yes, a 'Dark' poem indeed.
I guess the birds here are symbols for anything in nature - animals, humans ... and anything in nature needs to be able to do what nature meant it to do.

The rhyme scheme and verse structure work for the poem. The symbolism is achieved well.

Suggestions / Corrections:
1. Pick a couple more genres.
2. WritingML like font, centre, size for greater impact. Also, maybe divide it in to verses.
3. Somehow, I think the poem would resonate more if, instead of 'it' you said 'he' or 'she'. The bird is a living thing and isn't doing what nature meant her or him to do.
4. The word 'can't' needs an apostrophe.
The word 'its' doesn't need an apostrophe in this context.
5. The word 'moon' seems to be a forced rhyme. Sparrows sleep by night. You could either look at another word to replace moon, or another bird (nightingale?) to replace the sparrow.
I guess you chose 'sparrow' for the alliteration with 'songless' ... ?
6. I know you mean this to be a dark poem and it wors as is and the message comes through.
However, I also feel that the poem has potential for giving hope, should you wish to turn it that way. Even when animals / people cannot do certain things that they may have been meant to do, they can contribute in other ways. They don't necessarily have to be destroyed. I think it would be interesting to have a poem written from this point of view.

Thanks for sharing this one!
Image created by Gervic, gifted to me by Maryann

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