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Review #4649239
Viewing a review of:
...and Fred.  [E]
A day in the life of a five year old girl... (a view from a long, long way away LOL)
by 🌕 HuntersMoon
Review of ...and Fred.  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
"The WDC Angel Army" 
"*Duck*FEBRUARY CHALLENGE"  

Hallo Ken!
You wrote this a long ago about longer ago but it showed up on Random Reads now! *Ha*

As soon as I saw the combination of the cover pic, the title and your handle, I knew I wanted to review this one.

It's lovely.

The rhyme scheme creates a great rhythm and the device (of the last two words in each verse ) works brilliantly. You paint a happy picture of this little child's life. The importance of the teddy bear is beautifully depicted.

Suggestions:
1. WritingML - font, centre, size, colour.
2. Maybe pick another genre.
3. The picture you paint is all happy-happy, which is good, but I'd have liked to see Fred help her through some hard times, too. Maybe a quarrel with a friend or a cold or scraped knee or something that hurts, and Fred is there for her?
4. This was written a long time ago and the contest you wrote it for has gone invalid. Just pointing that out - you may want to leave the link there anyway or delete it.

Thanks for sharing this one! *Teddy*
Dragon Sig created by Kiya gifted by Secret Squirrel! Thank you!

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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