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 Review #4649122 |
| A   ReviewMy reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. First Impression Well-written! Very impressive writing, Nixie. I especially liked the countdown from when the alarm would go off that Claire's father mentioned each time he spoke to her. There was a lot I was unsure of, but I figured they would be explained in future chapters since everything can't be exposed in the first.  I'm still curious about where the prompt fits in. You mention Claire is a mutation on her mother's ancestors' side. Mermaids? Or something similar?Thoughts/Suggestions (silly little typos)  "Fourteen minutes." he said. --> "Fourteen minutes," he said. "You and the others surpass cruelty." I said --> "You and the others surpass cruelty," I said "You're the freak. I shouted. --> "You're the freak!" I shouted. Frostbite will paralyze my bare feet. Maybe I can find rags in the bin. --> Frostbite would paralyze my bare feet. Maybe I could find rags in the bin. The hounds bays and the pursuers shouts faded. --> The hounds' bays and the pursuers' shouts faded.Favorites I plucked at the fabric. My eyes moistened, unraveling my determination to mimic his uncaring attitude. I loved this visual!  Be sure not to edit till winners are announced. Thank you for your entry!Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 03/07/2022 @ 9:26am EST