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 Review #4648246 |
  Welcome to WDC Dennis!  I am here with a review to celebrate you! Wow! I really enjoyed pondering your vision in this free style poetic expression. A great job with the compelling voice. The title made me smile and curious at the same time. I hoped it was not a put down of your work.  Yet I think it works as in the poem the mind does wander in the mires. The metaphoric theme is startling. The imagery in the first verse drew me in as it speaks of intensity. The repeating of the long i sound added to the flow. The poem reflects the intensity of your prompt songs. I could sense that. Wow. The last line is so potent and invites us to reflect. I like the evocative images that leave us to interpret meaning. The descriptions were vivid and use of the present tense brings immediacy and lets us be with you in the scene. I liked the shadow voices as being wise. The contrast of the safety in the first verse with the chaos reigning on the world is vivid and leads well into the reflective question at the end. The call to war is scary and the idea that we want the polarities is too!  A few queries:I wondered if a period would be better in the first line, though it can work making a long phrased sentence. I thought of adding the word "as" to the second line to combine better.  For greater pause, a period after "storm". In the first verse, I would consider putting comma around "however". The first lines in the second verse do not seem to have a subject and hang there. Do they relate back to the world effect line? In the third verse, I noticed you used two verbs in past tense where the rest of the poem is in the present. I think being consistent would work. "sweeps", "remains" by my reading anyway.   The word choice was effective as you used instances of assonance, consonance, repeated sounds and phrases which added to the soundscape and flow as I read aloud. Phrases like "beat-silence.."and "crackling" appeal to the senses. The overall effect reminds me of catastrophes we can't change and yet perhaps we had hand in creating through ignorance and self protection.Thank you for sharing an original and evocative piece. And the links to the prompts were convenient. I have not heard them before and it seems they really struck a chord for you. Light on the path as you write on! eyestar for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 02/19/2022 @ 6:45pm EST