I could hear the tone of regret in this romantic expression. I think it is a relevant theme as we likely have all experienced that lost moment. I laughed at the idiot line. I could almost see you hitting yourself in the head, in my mind!
It was fun to read this free verse, which suit the theme. I did not notice a clear rhythm or rhyme scheme yet the rhyme you use and the short lines work effectively. Your use of minimal punctuation helped convey emotional vibe too. The description of "fresh youth" is evocative and makes one ponder. That you could not say the words reveals this young person, perhaps inexperienced and unsure. Well done!
A few notices to consider to strengthen the effect of your piece.
I wondered if "could pay" would be better as "would pay" as In I would pay any price.
I wanted to read "a glimpse" as it seemed disjointed without it. The "a" put after "with" in verse two might be a good enjambment too.
In line two I think "on" should be "to that morning".
In the last verse I felt the less poetic vibe of "that time period". It seemed to slow it down. I wondered if just simply saying " on the day" as a reprisal of the first line. Or "at that moment". It would flow more in keeping with the rest of the poem.
Thanks for sharing this evocative expression. You capture a clear picture with a few words and evoke a response from the reader. Awesome.
 You responded to this review 02/17/2022 @ 4:18am EST |
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Review #4647876
Greetings proton69. I am happy to celebrate You with a review on behalf of "Poetry Review Garden [on hiatus]" 
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