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 Review #4646520 |
 Greetings, lynntarzan, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids"  . Your entry is one of fourteen!   First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing Easy to understand Followed the prompt & rules First Impression: So cute! Learning how to tie a shoe is a big step for a kid. And it takes practice! Your rhymes and meter were awesome...till I got the 4th line of the third stanza. Your previous 4th lines were six beats. This one was ten. So...then the last stanza was off a little two. But previous to that, you had an awesome meter and flow!   Technicalities: I'm only telling you this because it's been told to me, long ago, and it's good advice. It's a good idea to use punctuation in children's poetry because they are new to it (compared to adults) and depend on periods and commas, so they know when to end a line of thought or pause. It made sense to me when I was told this, so I like to pass it along. It's up to you whether you do this or not, of course.  The only other technicality is My Mom should be My mom. My mom is not a proper noun like Mom would be.  Favorites:Hi, my name is Jessie I'm about to go to school But Mommy said there's one more thing That I must learn to do  Final thoughts: You've got yourself a sweet little poem here, about having to learn to tie your shoes before school starts. You might even consider adding a little more to this, as the child learns to tie her laces. Just a thought. Thank you so much for your entry! Best of luck in the contest! Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 02/06/2022 @ 11:17pm EST