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 Review #4644760 |
 Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Good day to you, Author Joseph J. Madden  . It's me again, the crazy steampunk guy, dropping by to shake your tree again. I don't generally review the same author twice in a row, but a little voice told me to look at this, and here I am ten minutes later with another fine story under my belt. This deserves discussion, so let me just drop my standard warning here, and we'll get started.THIRD-PARTY READERS TAKE NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD You already know from my previous review what I'm looking for, so this one will be much "chattier," for want of a better term. First things first, your presentation is spot on. You know what I'd like to see – indented paragraphs, expanded text – but you've followed every rule of the site to perfection, and there will be no penalty here. The story itself is... I almost said delightful, but the tense beginning, the life-and-death hunt through a haunted forest, the confrontation with the Big Bad, brings the pulse-pounding suspense that makes an author's reputation. The fact that it turns out to be two children playing Star Wars lets the reader end with a genuine smile, and memories of his own childhood. I grew up in a California beach town where urban sprawl was something we could sometimes see in the distance. Open spaces were as common as sidewalks in New York. Sci-fi wasn't the big thing it would become later; our games had two themes: westerns, and WWII. And yet, your story could almost have the names changed, and anyone I grew up with would recognize it. There's a timelessness about it that transcends age and era, and that's a wonderful gift. The suspense continues right up until you choose to break it, with no inkling that it's anything but what it's presented as... until it isn't. Fabulous work! Mechanically, it isn't flawless, but the flaw isn't anything I'm going to penalize you for. My opinion: You would benefit from placing a scene divider between the story itself, and your anecdotal footnote. Also, the spacing of the paragraphs in the anecdote itself would look more coherent if they were double-spaced like those in the story. These are style choices, and I'm not aware of any ironclad rules they break, but take a look, and if you agree with my assessment, a few mouse clicks will bring them into line. The characters work beautifully in both phases. A scout, cut off an hunted by an overwhelming force, taxes his wits to remain out of their clutches. We fell his tension, his stress, yes, even his fear of being taken alive and dragged back for interrogation. "Dave Vader" suggests that all may not be what it seems, and when mom calls the boys in out of the rain, the scout's personality transitions smoothly to that of a child whose play has been interrupted. This was really enjoyable. I offer my condolences on the loss of your friend. At 73 I've lost some myself, and while not the shock of a death at 38, a loss is a loss, and I share your pain. Settings can often make the magic, and we have a classic example of how an overgrown lot can become a dark and dangerous forest. It's not just in the mind of a child, either. In the opening paragraphs, it is a dark and dangerous forest. Once we see that this is the play of children, it becomes something not so sinister, almost inviting, in fact. The transition is smooth, and believable on both ends, and it's a tribute to a writer who can seamlessly draw his reader through that change. Writers who want to know how to make a setting work for its story should take note. SUMMARY: It is a pleasure to offer a five-star rating for this delightful tale, at once a life-an-death adventure, and a slice of happy childhood. This was a wonderful start to my day, and I thank you for sharing. Best of luck on the journey, my friend. Read well, and write better! ** Image ID #2234711 Unavailable ** The curious may follow my antics at "Invalid Item" — Serious writers may visit a group that comes with occasional deep conversation, and a spiffy contest featuring unusual and valuable prizes. Our forum, linked below, is open access, and if you like what you see, contact me or Richard ~ Looking for Luck!  to be welcomed to the fold.
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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