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 Review #4643045 |
 | The Christmas snow globe  [E] What happens when you get to go on a journey of a lifetime without planning it.  |
| (3.5)   Greetings, Happy to write, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest " . First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Easy to understand Followed the prompt & rules Conflict: The main character finds herself inside a snow globe with a hungry witch! Characters: The narrator tells the story. Also includes a witch and the narrator's mother. Dialogue: Yes, though the dialogue should be broken up into their own paragraphs per character, not all in one big paragraph. Setting: Mostly inside the snow globe. Technicalities: You might want to consider breaking this story up into several paragraphs vs two.  Whoever is speaking, too, should have their own paragraph. You've also got a few run-on sentences that you might want to shorten or break into more than one sentence. With just a little editing (along with a few punctuation issues,) this could be a very cute, well-polished children's story!  Favorites: I think the last line is my favorite because it leaves the reader hanging!  Whatever happened to the witch I wonder from time to time I think I hear her laughter in the middle of the night sometimes hopefully it is just my overactive imagination . Final thoughts: I really do like this story! How scary for a child to find herself inside a snow globe with a hungry witch! Her mom came in just in time! It was clever that she accidently broke the globe, releasing her daughter from being trapped inside. Good job! And I absolutely loved how you ended the story!Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 01/24/2022 @ 11:16am EST