Hey! I saw your item and wanted to give it a quick review.

I'm immediately drawn in, especially when the speaker says to himself, "'Oh what the hell' he thought, let’s see what all the fuss is about." I think that bit amused me because I've done things I probably knew better than to do just out of curiosity. Though I'm not yet far enough in to know if he's going to regret this.

Suggestion: You jump from the speaker getting the number and making the appointment to now being in the massage parlor. I'd suggest skipping a few extra spaces or perhaps adding a line of dashes or asterisks to break it up so we know the scene has changed. Even just adding a link of like 5-10 can make a big difference in the flow.

It's funny that just before the line where the speaker says it's getting spooky, I'm thinking to myself, "This is getting creepy."

Suggestion: This is being told from his point of view, or so it seems, so I don't know that it feels right to me that we know Angelique smiles unless he sees it. We didn't know anything about Tom that he didn't know. I feel like it should be the same with Angelique.

Correction: You wrote, "‘Deeper’ he thought, and she pressed deeper.. ‘Again!’ he thought, and she massaged the spot again and again.." You need a comma after "deeper" and ellipses have 3 dots in them, not just 2.

Correction: You need a comma after "please" in "“Turn over please” she whispered in his ear."

"Under the towel precariously draped across his waist..." Those darned towels are always threatening to come off, aren't they? Thanks for the shot of realism.

Correction: "Angelique was sat tantalizingly astride his legs, her fingers replaced by her warm soft lips, caressing his body in tiny nips and kisses."

I love that he loves thunderstorms. That makes him a more real character to me.

Corrections and Suggestions: "“Perfect” he replied as he smiled back at her, and in that instant he knew, they would spend many more blissful moments together......." You need a comma after "perfect." Also, I think you'd do best ending with just a period, but if you want ellipses, that's only 3 dots. Finally, I feel like this was more than just a few moments and to me, I feel like he'd say to himself that they'll spend many more blissful hours together. Or at least a lot more blissful time together, but that's me.

Nice story. Thank you for sharing. I was a bit worried that there was some trick or trap and that maybe Tom had been forced to talk him into going in order to escape some horrible fate, but nope. It was legitimately a great experience for him. YAY! And now I want one like that... lol

Thank you for sharing your story! Keep writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .