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 Review #4619507 |
 | Mr. Ant Teaches Life Lessons - Chapter 1  [E] The story of how ants can teach us life lessons taught by the character Mr. Ant. (Part 1)  |
| (4.5)  Greetings, Marvelous Friend, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest " . First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing Outstanding! Your illustrations are so clever. Easy to understand Yes, very clear information. Followed the prompt & rules Yes. Goal: How ants can teach us life lessons taught by the character, Mr. Ant. Characters: Mr. Ant is the narrator of this non-fiction chapter entry. Dialogue: No dialogue.  Setting: Mostly anthills. Technicalities: The first thing we will learn in chapter one of this book is that ants work very hard. There's nothing wrong with this sentence, but it does seem wordy. You might consider omitting unnecessary words. My example:  The first thing we will learn is ants work very hard.Together, we work hard to maintain our anthill. It takes a lot of hard work to maintain an anthill. The second sentence is actually saying the same thing as the first sentence. You might consider omitting a sentence or rewriting it. One example: Together, we work hard to maintain our anthill. Our babies have to all be kept at a certain temperature Our babies need to be kept at a certain temperatureWe have all these separate rooms. This is repetitious as it was told in the previous paragraph.  The Larvae live You don't need to capitalize larvae.   Favorites:Most of his super strength is in his jaws. This is what allows him to carry such heavy objects. How interesting!  Final thoughts: You've put a lot of work into this which tells me you are serious about writing. Your pictures are impressive, along with how you've set this up. Very clever! One thing you should be careful of, however, is being too wordy. Omit all unnecessary words and be careful of repeating things right away. While you've given the reader lots of facts, be wary of boring a child reader. I like that your narrator is Mr. Ant. Perhaps you could add some dialogue coming from a queen ant and/or a baby, for example. They could give a little fact about what they do. Or consider having Mr. Ant interview the other ants. Make your story stand out. You have, actually made it stand out with your clever illustrations, which impressed me and helped with the rating. But also try to make your facts stand out by making them more interesting . Right now, they are facts. Nonfiction, in my eyes, is harder to write than fiction. But you are a very creative young lady and I know you are talented! Bravo to you for your determination and efforts! I wouldn't be surprised if you are published some day. You have the heart for it, along with the gift.  Best of luck in the contest! Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You last responded to this review 07/15/2021 @ 12:33am EDT