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 Review #4619463 |
  Greetings, bobturn, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest "  . First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing Easy to understand Followed the prompt & rules Goal: Emily wants to teach her pets how to talk. Her teacher, Miss Smith, wants Emily to help Miguel learn English. Characters: Emily, her pets, Miss Smith (her teacher), Miguel (Spanish speaking) Dialogue: Good dialogue Setting: At home and at school Technicalities:Paragraph 5: like the knew kid  like the new kidParagraph 6: Emily didn't want to take on human pet, one who looked like her, but who didn't know say words the right way. they came out too fast, sounded like questions and made Emily's tongue hurt when she tried repeating what he said. There are a few typos in these two sentences.  One example to consider: Emily didn't want to take on [a] human pet, one who looked like her but who didn't know [how to] say words the right way. [T]hey came out too fast, sounded like questions and made Emily's tongue hurt when she tried repeating what he said.Paragraph 7: I have a few questions about this paragraph...He didn't understand most real words at all. Did you mean English words? I wasn't certain. Then I wondered about what the teacher, Miss Smith, has to say about Miguel being as slow as a turtle and makes everyone else slow, too. Even time.  It doesn't really sound like something a teacher would say, though I might be missing something (it's possible  .) Favorites: I love your title, The Language of Love, and after seeing the list of possible chapters coming after this this one, I want to say it's a fabulous idea!  Final thoughts: I always enjoy reading your work, Bob. You are a gifted writer. I'm curious about this one, though. If you write another chapter (as you listed) I would be interested in seeing where this story goes.  Best of luck in the contest! Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 07/14/2021 @ 7:08pm EDT