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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4617045
Review #4617045
Viewing a review of:
 My Meeting With My Grandfather  []
A poem about an adult recalling part of his childhood when he met his grandfather.
by Bob
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: | (4.0)
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Greetings!
I was happy to read this account of your meeting with your grandpa. You are quite honest about what you felt and the things you noticed as a child, and this makes it very relatable!

A few suggestions:
1. Maybe use some WritingML, like font, size and even color.
2. In places, the rhyme seems a bit forced. You could read it again and check for this. It need not actually be a rhyming poem, if you'd rather make it free-verse.
3. You've left it un-rated and haven't picked any 'genres' which means it isn't likely to show up on searches. Putting in content rating and genres increases its visibility on site.
4. I would've liked more description of the actual meeting with your grandpa. There's a lot about what happened before, which sets the mood well -- but then I felt it wasn't enough when you actually meet him. If you're being true to your memories and don't recall more, it's fine, but if you do, then please add. Or maybe even add a verse about subsequent meetings.

Thanks for sharing this heartwarming poem!
Write On!

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