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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4616462
Review #4616462
Viewing a review of:
 The Corridor  [13+]
futuristic world where it is every man for himself
by dblameck (David)
Review of The Corridor  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A new Anniversary Review signature to use, courtesy of [Link To User legerdemain]

Reviewed by a member of "The WDC Angel Army" 


Hallo!
I saw your portfolio in the "Anniversary Reviews"  forum and came over.

What a chilling story. The descriptions are vivid and you had my attention throughout. Since it had a feel of danger, the ending was only somewhat surprising. Maybe a further twist-within-a-twist would add to the interest ...?

A few small points:
1. There's once where you say 'me' instead of 'him'.
2. In one of the sentences, you repeat the word 'here'.
3. Where you say 'why didn't he hear' -- would you rather say 'why hadn't he heard'?

Happy WdC Anniversary!
Write On!

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