Hallo!
I saw your portfolio in the "Anniversary Reviews" forum and came over.
What a chilling story. The descriptions are vivid and you had my attention throughout. Since it had a feel of danger, the ending was only somewhat surprising. Maybe a further twist-within-a-twist would add to the interest ...?
A few small points:
1. There's once where you say 'me' instead of 'him'.
2. In one of the sentences, you repeat the word 'here'.
3. Where you say 'why didn't he hear' -- would you rather say 'why hadn't he heard'?
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