Hi, Izzy:


It's been a while since we heard from each other. I am so pleasantly surprised you're reaching out to me again. I am honored and elated you choose me to do another review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
How are you going to handle this manuscript? Do you have in mind pursuing publication? Or, is this part of a journal for your personal healing from a tragic loss?

It looks like you're doing sections or chapters. You might consider giving subtitles for each section or chapter if you're going that route.

*Content
First of all, I need to know if this is a personal experience or fiction? I am touched by the outpouring of your sentiment over the sudden loss of a very dear and beloved friend and partner. I am glad you're expressing your deepest thoughts and feelings in writing. This will serve as a catharsis in your journey towards acceptance of what could have been but will never be.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation are concerned, you have improved tremendously over time. I am impressed with how you have come a long, long way. Keep up the good work, Izzy.

*Point of View (POV)
You have maintained the first-person Point of View from beginning to end. Good work.

*Element of Conflict
You injected an element of conflict that was enough to lead to a tragic incident.

*Climax
After all your agony of loss, Luca appeared to comfort you and encourage you to move on. He showed up to remove darkness from your surroundings and burst sunlight into your grieving soul. That's beautiful and powerful!

Spelling
Just one typo or misspelling I encountered:
causality -casualty

Here is a snippet I cut and pasted that I like to address:
I wish you hadn’t died before I had gotten a chance to sing this song for you….I had so many feelings for you and now, you’d never hear me get to tell you them again.

My suggestion regarding the use of ellipsis in the above sentence is to delete it. It's not necessary. It distracts. Here are the uses of ellipsis according to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference:

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other and captivating your reader's emotions as he/she fills the shoes of your characters.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
You captivated my deepest emotions and find myself filling in your shoes, Izzy. You see, the love of my life and soulmate gave up his ghost two years ago to find rest in the arms of our heavenly Father. We've been together for forty-six blessed married years and to find myself alone one day was sad. Everywhere I turn around, I see him. My comfort is in knowing he is safe and secure in heaven and one glorious day, I shall see him again in our glorified body. You and I cannot remain brokenhearted over the loss of our loved ones. Troubles come and troubles go. We can trust and hope for a glorious tomorrow if we have faith in God.







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .