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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4614566
Review #4614566
Viewing a review of:
 Dancing Fool (1st Place/ 2 Editor Pick)  [E]
Paul wandered to the living room where his daughter's dance costume lay...
by BScholl
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hallo!
This one showed up on 'random review'.

I enjoyed the story, you did a good job with the prompt words given. That being said, the brief description rather gave away what was going to happen. I anticipated that he would dance and get caught red-handed (red-footed? *Wink*) at it by his wife and kid.

The story does work well as is, but you could also look at giving it some sort of twist so that there is a surprise element for the reader. I think a combination of anticipation-and-surprise would make it funnier.

Some tiny typos:

laid there -- do you mean 'lay there'?
slippers laying -- do you mean 'lying'?
feet. he -- capital 'H'.

Also - when you say 'back burner', doesn't it imply the stove?

And I am partial to a bigger font size and more line-spacing for smoother readibility, so I'll suggest that, too!

Thank you for the chuckle!

Write On!


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