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Review #4612550
Viewing a review of:
 
Help Wanted Open in new Window. [E]
Must be willing to travel!
by Genipher Author Icon
Review of Help Wanted  Open in new Window.
Review by Starling Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Title: Review: Help Wanted by Genipher

The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with the intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer. {/center}

Title and Author: Help Wanted by Genipher

In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
c:black}Your Words:
Review comments
My Impressions as I read:
Editing Suggestions:

Plot::
A man is looking for a job where he can serve as a scientist assistant. He hasn’t had much luck until he applies at Dr. Nobody’s residence. He gets the job and learns his duties quickly. His only job is to do what the scientist says when says it and not question anything he is told to do. This is alright with him because it sounds like a job he’s going to enjoy.

The scientist takes him to his lab and shows him around. He points out all of the jars with weird things in them. He points out the animals that he keeps as pets. He also shows him the Do-Over Machine of Doom button. He has him push it.

Hook:
Mad scientist on a normal day

Opening Sentence and Paragraph:
The opening sentence introduces the reader to the main character and lets us know he is purposely looking for a job as a mad scientist’s assistant. The reader now wants to know why the scientist is considered mad, and what experiments are going to take place.

Characters Development:
The characters are smoothly developed through speech and movement. It’s done through spoofs on all of the old mad scientist movies as far back as the 1930s and 1940s.

Dialogue:
When a phrase is used such as “walk this way” we know what is going to happen. The dialogue is campy and mostly predictable, but cute.

Punctuation and Structure:
I found a few problems with the punctuation and have listed them below in my line-by-line review. The sentence and paragraph structure is well done.


Closing Statement
This piece contains a lot of dry humor. It is humor you are expecting but don’t mind experiencing again. It did make me chuckle in a couple of spots. The ending twist got a nod. It was expected but it ended the piece nicely. Without it the reader would have been wondering where the story ended.

This piece is also a “chicken/egg” story. Which came first the chicken or the egg? Which came first the boy dreaming and inventing the machine or the man inventing the machine and going back to grow up knowing he’s going to invent the machine?

I enjoyed the piece. Thank you for posting.

Starling
-----------------------
...I nodded, resolved to remembering remember better in the future, as Dr. Nobody flicked a light switch. His lab in all it’s (no apostrophe) glimmering and shimmering glory had my jaw dropping in awe.
...You’ll have to taste test all of them, Minion, (no comma) until we
...“And since the pet store refuses to sell me any more, (one word) you will have to take
...The flashing red button was hard to look away from. I felt drawn to it, (no comma) as if it was calling my name.
...immediately faded from it’s (no apostrophe) brilliant red hue to black.
...From the dark depths (need comma) something was rising
...George scampered back into a corner of his glass cage. (You said George reached out and took the chip. Now you have him in the glass cage. How did he reach through the glass?)
...Fluffy from becoming a bad doggie’s hors’doeuvre. (spelling)
...One of my duplicates, standing in the shade of a regal looking (hyphenated) house,
... Or maybe I was the clone, (no comma) since he had arrived
...I looked for the time traveling (hyphenated) bike.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/29/2021 @ 8:28pm EDT
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