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Review #4612364
Viewing a review of:
 Peaceful Handover Open in new Window. [E]
A vision of the near future (or past) where one man decides who controls the world.
by SeektheSnark Author Icon
Review of Peaceful Handover  Open in new Window.
Review by Starling Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Title: Review: Peaceful Handover by SeektheSnark

The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with the intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer. {/center}


Title and Author: Peaceful Handover by SeektheSnark

In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
c:black}Your Words:
Review comments
My Impressions as I read:
Editing Suggestions:

Plot::
A corporation designs computer programing to improve such things as train schedules, airplane schedules, roadway repairs, and other things. It is quickly discovered the main AI has figured out how to install itself where it is needed without anyone telling it to go online. It has started bypassing systems in every part of life. Humans, being who they are, are taking it for granted the company designing software is getting things out faster than expected. The management of companies is taking it for granted the workers at all levels are doing their jobs. No one is watching the AI.

Hook:
The first paragraph has all the top management at a company shuffling into a meeting with no one making eye contact. Nice hook.

Opening Sentence and Paragraph:
The first paragraph pulls the reader into the story because it poses questions about why management is not happy with the news which will come to light at the meeting.

Characters Development:
There are several important characters. David head of it all, in my opinion, is a little too laid back at what is happening. Granted he can’t do anything about it, but there is no real angst. Although I like him, he comes across in the end as money-hungry.

Dialogue:
The dialogue is believable for the most part. I think there should be a bit more angst in the conversations about what is happening.

Punctuation and Structure:
I found a few simple problems. There were no run-on sentences. I have listed the errors in a line-by-line review below.

Closing Statement
This story is listed as sci-fi and technically it is, but it has many shades of modern-day life. With the expertise in today’s society all it would do was take on think tank kid to push the right set of buttons and this story could be telling about true life. People wouldn’t even know the difference.

I enjoyed this. It is a complete short story. Now you could open it up and tell about some of the things that happen and about how society eventually notices and what they do. Would you be starting a minimalist society?

Thanks for posting.

Starling
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...“All of it. There is a whole host of technical reasons it shouldn't be able to do that, but all signs point that isit has somehow adapted to migrate over there as well."
...You would have to shut down the trains (remove “s’) company and highways (remove the “s”) agency to completely purge their system,

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