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 Review #4611957 |
 | The Climb  [ASR] A flash piece about a couple discussing some infidelities...  |
| Title: Review: The Climb by W.D. Wilcox The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with the intent to be honest and helpful. Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer. {/center} Title and Author: The Climb by W.D. Wilcox In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review: c:black}Your Words: Review comments My Impressions as I read: Editing Suggestions: Plot:: Natasha is in a hole with climbing gear on. George her boyfriend/lover/husband is at the top of the hole. Natasha told George he wasn’t enough of a man for her. He climbs mountains for a living. She needs to climb to the top of the hole in order to save Bob’s life who is on the other end of the rope with it around his neck. Opening Sentence and Paragraph: The opening sentence immediately pulls the reader into an action scene. Why is Natasha standing on a side wall in climbing gear? Why is she in the hole? Characters Development: Natasha’s fear is very evident from the first few sentences. George is cocky and mad. Bob is full of fear. Dialogue: Dialogue is good and perdictable Punctuation and Structure: I found only a few errors and I have listed those below in the line-by-line review. Closing Statement We are left with a lot of questions. A couple of them are how did Natasha not know Bob was at the bottom of the hole. Was she knocked out or something? There is nothing to tell us how the whole scenario came about, with all the character placement. I know you are setting a scene and this is just a snapshot of a few moments, but the setup is not complete. It was a very nice plot twist at the end. You have left a generous amount of space to continue the story. I am a fan of Happy Ever After, and I know you are not guaranteeing that here. Thanks for posting. Starling ------------------------------ Natasha clung to the wall, her fingers numb, limbs quivering. How long her husband planned to keep her down here was anybody’s guess. He had rigged a long rope and pulley, the one end clipped to the climber’s harness cinched around her waist, the other connecting somewhere down below her in the darkness. “George? George, are you up there?” “Yeah…whadduya want?” “Enough is enough, George…now pull me up.” “Ha, not on your life! You want out, then climb out!” “George, please, you’re being silly, all this just because I won’t sleep with you.” “That’s not the only reason and you know it! You said I wasn’t man enough for ya—less than a man, I think were your exact words.” “But, George…” “But, George, nothing! This is what I do for a living, Natasha—I climb mountains! Let’s see if you can do it!” Her arms were getting tired. “Please, darling, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you…” “Do you think I’m less than a man compared to all those sissy boys you work with at that designing place? Or maybe you measure manhood by the number of dollars a fella’s got shoved up his ass.” “George, please! I’m going to slip and fall. I can’t feel my toes!” “Oh, don’t worry…you won’t fall. The rope will hold you. I got it tied down below. You’ll just dangle there like the spider you are.” “George Meany! You get me down from here this instant!” “No…I don’t think so. I’ve been following you around town, Natasha. Did you know that?” “Following me?” “Yeah…I betcha didn’t think I’d do that, did ya? I know all about you and Bob Mathews: how you been meeting him secretly at his uptown apartment; how you and him been having a good ol’ time behind my back.” “George, please…I can explain.” “No need to, darlin’. I know everything already…Bob was very co-operative (no hyphen).” “Co-operative(no hyphen)? What do you mean?” Panic gripped her guts. “Listen, George, Bob means nothing to me. I was just using him to get further up the ladder. What have you done?” “Done?” He laughed strangely. “I ain’t done nothing except bring ol’ Bob down here with us.” “Bob? He’s here? You didn’t…kill him or anything, did you?” “No, of course not. I’m not like you. He’s right below you. Of course, he can’t talk right now because I put duct tape on his mouth, but he can hear everything just fine.” “What do you mean? He’s below me, now?” “That’s what I been trying to tell ya. I got the other end of that rope tied around ol' Bob’s neck. If you can’t make it to the top, or if you fall…you’ll hang him.”  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 05/26/2021 @ 9:39am EDT