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 Review #4606503 |
 Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Good morning, victoryseeker, and I hope it finds you well. In the immortal words of Jim Bishop, "A good writer is not per se, a good book critic any more than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender," but bear with me; I'm going to take a shot anyway (see what I did there?)  .For the record, my real name is Jack Tyler, and I am a retired mystery, steampunk, and horror writer who tries to review in a wide variety of styles and genres. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to take your writing in directions you hadn't previously considered. Before I pitch in, allow me to offer a suggestion that is more important than you might think: Put a little of yourself into your bio sections. As I write this review, I don't know whether you are male or female, young or old, just setting out on the journey, or an experienced writer. I don't know whether my comments will be helping you, or insulting your intelligence. You will receive much more tailored reviews if your reviewer knows a little about your background and experience level. And with that out of the way, let me just drop a warning here, and we'll get started. THIRD-PARTY READERS TAKE NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD PRESENTATION: This aspect deals with the first impression your story makes when a reader clicks on the title. Call it the cosmetics. I'll be looking at abstract items from text density to scene dividers in an effort to ferret out any unfortunate habits that might cause a reader to move on without actually reading anything; before you can dazzle him with your show, you have to get him into the tent!  Your presentation is technically correct, and worthy of the full five stars. It could look more attractive, and I'm going to offer you a couple of simple ways to achieve that.First, I'm told the default font is Arial. I only half-jokingly call it Times New Eyestrain, as I sometimes have to stack two pairs of reading glasses to make it hold still. There are many ways to tweak your font, for example, this review is in 3.5 Verdana with a 1.4 line space setting. But the easiest way to make your story more attractive is to simply place {size:3.5} at the head of the text and watch it pop to life. The other thing is paragraphs. In my opinion, indented paragraphs look more professional than the double-spacing that is the norm here on WdC. You achieve this by placing {indent} at the beginning of each paragraph. Sounds like a chore, but there is a shortcut key above the creation box that will place the command wherever the cursor lies. STORY: But those are things that can be fixed with a few mouse clicks. Now we come to the heart of the issue. This is really the basic element, isn't it? If you can't tell an engaging story, it doesn't matter what else you can do, because nobody's going to read it anyway. I will try to explain aspects from characters to grammar, but I don't know how to teach someone to have an imagination. Let's examine the individual parts of the whole and see what works to make it successful.  I assume from the highlighted words that this was written for a contest, and from Bird, Red, and Sun, I would expect a nature story or maybe a fantasy. This story went in a completely unexpected direction, and I hope it did well in the contest. But I deducted half a star, so you must wonder what I found wanting.A couple of things, and to be honest, I would have deducted a full star here, but I recognize the constraints of a contest's rules, and must give you credit for how you stayed within them. First, the note that Wilson receives from the team member. What could someone get in a note that Wilson, who is talking to Alex on the radio, wouldn't have? You need to give the reader some kind of clue, as for the shock to be effective, reader needs to feel it along with Wilson. This just leaves us scratching our heads, and readers as a rule don't like that. Second, the ending is a bit weak. If Alex dies, that's a strong ending. If he climbs out of the wreckage having had some life-changing revelation about his father, that's a strong ending. As it is, it ends with Alex more or less saying "Wait a minute." The only thing I see that suggests some life-changing revelation is the bird feather landing on the hood after he sees a shadowy figure that may or may not have been his father, and I'm afraid that was just too subtle for my shoot-em-up-loving mind to make the connection. MECHANICS: Whether you're writing fact or fiction, prose or poetry, the "holy grail" that you're striving for is immersion. This is an area that no author, myself included, ever wants to talk about: I've done all this work, and you want to argue over a comma?" But those commas are important. What you're really doing as a writer is weaving a magic spell around your reader, and your reader wants you to succeed. He wants to escape his mundane world for a period, and lose himself in your creation. Errors in spelling and grammar, typos, "there" vs. "their" issues, use of words inconsistent with their actual meanings, all yank him out of his immersion while he backtracks to re-read and puzzle out what you meant to say. This is never good, and this is the section that deals with that. I only found one small issue, and it is in this phrase: "Son of a-!" You want an em-dash to denote suddenly interrupted speech, and you can get that in your text by typing {emdash}. The em-dash denotes an abrupt halt, and is not followed by final punctuation, so written correctly, this would appear as "Son of a—". As this is the only issue in the story, and involves an obscure bit of punctuation, I'm not deducting for it. Good job.CHARACTERS: This section discusses all aspects of the characters, the way they look, act, and talk, as well as the development and presentation of backstory. Allow me to present "Tyler's Axiom:" Characters are fiction. Rich, multifaceted characters with compelling backstories will seize the reader in a grip that will not be denied, and drag him into their narrative, because he can't abide the thought of not knowing what will happen to them. Conversely, lazy, shallow stereotypes will ruin any story regardless of its other qualities, because the reader will be unable to answer the second question of fiction: Why do I care? There isn't a whole lot of character development here, which is a unique problem that flash fiction sets before its authors. We learn that Alex's father died on this track, and that Wilson is more concerned about the safety of his driver than the condition of his car. This makes them both sympathetic, and that is enough for a story this short. Good development, given the limitations.SETTINGS: This section deals with the locations you've established for your action, the ways in which they affect that action, and your ability to describe them clearly and concisely. You could say that this aspect answers (or fails to answer) the first question of fiction, What's going on here? Setting can be used to challenge a character, to highlight a skill or quality, to set the mood of a scene without overtly saying a single thing about it, and a host of lesser impacts too numerous to mention. You might think of it as a print artist's equivalent of a movie's "mood music," always important yet never intrusive. All in all, a pretty big deal, then. So how did you do? Similar to characterization, flash fiction doesn't give you much space to set a scene. We all know what a racetrack looks like, if from nothing more than NASCAR ads, and it isn't hard to visualize a raised control room. Despite the space limitations, you did a good job of taking us there.SUMMARY: I hope that I have presented my opinions in a way that is constructive, and that you will find helpful to your endeavors going forward. It is never my intention to belittle anyone's efforts or discourage them from following the dream that I have found so fulfilling for the last six decades. In any case, if I can leave you with one thought to take with you, let it be this: Don't forget to have the fun! So many young and/or beginning writers get so caught up in the daily word count, the quest for publication, and the often conflicting advice of other writers that they forget to enjoy the journey. You may or may not become the next Big Celebrity Author, but you will always have the experience. Make sure it's a good one!** Image ID #2234711 Unavailable ** As a member with some experience here, allow me to offer you some links you may find helpful. First and foremost has to be
Second is
Finally, I don't operate a group, but I'm a member of a good one, and I recommend a visit soon.
Looking forward to seeing you around the site!  Jack "Blimprider" Tyler My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/18/2021 @ 4:57pm EDT