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Review #4548753
Viewing a review of:
 Taking the Leap Open in new Window. [18+]
The milestone my characters face is deciding to move from just friends to more...
by 💙 Carly - February is here! Author Icon
Review of Taking the Leap  Open in new Window.
Review by Cadie Laine Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here reviewing Lesson 5 for Building Emotion and Sensuality.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          I enjoyed reading your story. The characters have come a long way since that first story.

Showing vs. Telling~
*NoteP*          You've done well in showing what Arlynn is feeling and the descriptions of the physical emotions are getting better. I like that you've brought back their first meeting with a bit more passion than they probably had then. *Wink*

Technical Aspects~
*NoteP*          What is Arlynn focusing on? She seems to be talking herself out of her relationship with Ryan and I can't understand what's going through her head. she seems to be fighting the memories of her time with Ryan. I think this first point of view with Arlynn needs a bit more detail explaining what is going on. In the beginning, Arlynn was an actress, I thought, now she's a children's book author.
Was that really only a little over a month and a half ago? I understand that with these assignments the time frame with the relationship may change. These assignments don't always stay in line with chronologically, a warning would have been prudent. I thought these two had already been together for a year as of Lesson 4. Is this chronologically earlier in the relationship because of the doubts?

Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You've done well writing this piece. I like the interaction between the characters and that Ryan finds her on the road. I can't wait to see how this ends. *Think*

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!



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