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Review #4546312
Viewing a review of:
 Marcus and Milly. Chapter three Open in new Window. [13+]
Their relationship hits a bumpy ride
by Sumojo Author Icon
Review by Cadie Laine Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here reviewing for Building Emotion and Sensuality Lesson 3.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. I'm not a professional editor. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          Milly and Marcus have moved forward in their relationship. The story is easy to read and flows with the request of the assignment.

Point of view~
*NoteP*          You stayed within the point of view of Marcus. I think there could have been more emotion displayed between the characters. Does Marcus' heartbreak as they silently decide to split up for a time? Does he cry without her? Does he see her everywhere he goes and desires to find out what's going on? He goes to her apartment after 4 days giving her the time she needs. That's good.

Plot, Conflict and Structure~
*NoteP*          In the story Milly tells her family about Marcus being in prison. While I would not want to keep secrets from my family, I wonder what was her motivation in telling them? Was she afraid of them finding out somehow? There are some secrets that are just better kept buried. this was a good twist in your story. If you decide to rewrite, I think they need to discuss this before they go on the weekend or figure out what Milly's reasoning is behind telling her family.
Then they just come together after 4 days and have sex without discussing what has happened. It's realistic but because this is a piece of a whole, it doesn't make sense. It's like it never happened.

Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You are doing well with these stories and with your characters. I like how they've developed into people of their own. You followed the assignment well and stayed within the word count.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/28/2020 @ 7:26am EDT
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