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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4546174
Review #4546174
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by A Guest Visitor
         Review for entry/chapter: "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: GC | N/A (Review only item.)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here reviewing for Building Emotion and Sensuality Lesson 3.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author, I'm not a professional editor. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          Your characters are moving along in their relationship. You showed me the fear that Elize has when it comes to her past. I like that Mac is ready to accept her despite her past.

Characterization and Dialogue~
*NoteP*          You've shown the feelings of the characters within the story. You staying within one point of view as the story progressed.

Showing vs. Telling~
*NoteP*          You showed the reader in a mild way the fear that Elize has. I think there could have been more description of the emotion (fear and doubt and unworthiness) she feels.

Technical Aspects~
*NoteP*          This sentence doesn't quite make sense.
That she was scared. That she didn't know how to be and how not to fuck things up.


Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You did well with this assignment and stayed within the word count. Good job, I can't wait to see what happens in the next piece. This was well written.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
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