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Review #4542364
Viewing a review of:
 A Memorable First Date Open in new Window. [18+]
first date scene
by 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 Author Icon
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here doing a review for Building Emotion and Sensuality.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          I really enjoyed your story. I could see what was going on with the characters.

Tone, Mood, Point of view~
*NoteP*          The tone of the story was sensual. You did well describing what the characters are feeling. You changed the point of view of the story well. I would recommend using an asterisk *** or tilde~~~ for a point of view change.

Plot, Structure~
*NoteP*          Arlynn and Ryan go on their first date by themselves. They seem to be attracted to each other and showed well in the descriptions of what they were feeling and thinking.

Characterization and Dialogue~
*NoteP*          The characters seemed realistic and believable. The conversation moved the story along well.

Technical Aspects~
*NoteP*          There are a couple of places where if you rewrite change is recommended.
Arlynn laughed. The sound thrummed through him like lake ripples over heated skin. Tantalizing. He loved that laugh and he hoped he’d hear more of it at the night progressed. ...he'd hear more of it as the night progressed. Change at to as.
Ryan pulled out her chair and she settled back into it just as the waiter floated back with their coffees and dessert. I'm honestly not sure what to do about this sentence. It works in the story. The word "and" when Ryan pulls her chair out is what is slightly off. I'm not completely sure how to reword or omit the sentence. I would have like to see the gorgeous scene she saw from the table, along with the resort building.

Conclusions~
*NoteP*          This assignment was done well. You described your characters emotions well. Great Job!

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/07/2020 @ 9:47pm EDT
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