\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4530025
Review #4530025
Viewing a review of:
 Squalling Seagulls Open in new Window. [E]
this poem is about nature and the beauty of it
by Greg Author Icon
Review by Dave Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Rainbowl*   *Sun*   *Rainbowr*
*BalloonR* WELCOME! *BalloonR*
to
WDC
from
"Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window. and "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window.!



Greetings, Greg!

Welcome to our little soiree. You are off to a fantastic start by populating your port and gaining exposure during your first month among us. I discovered this charming examination of these intriguing characters featured in a recent Noticing Newbies Newsletter and wanted to offer a few observations in the spirit of friendly hospitality and constructive support. Of course, they are nothing but the opinions of one person, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth.

TITLE:

Painting a captivating picture of these enchanting creatures by using the Onomatopoeia technique ( https://literarydevices.net/onomatopoeia/ ) grabs the random browser's attention and drags him across the threshold into the realm of your fertile imagination.

FORM & STRUCTURE:

Your selection of the Pantoum form ( http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/pantoum.html ) provides the perfect framework upon which to drape the word pictures you are painting. The patterns of rhyme and repetition project a rhythmic sense of excitement to match the exuberance of the gulls themselves.

The rhymes are well executed without distortion of the language in order to maintain the prescribed pattern.

The form is also implemented according to established tradition until the third line in the last stanza, which should repeat the last line of the fourth stanza, "Breathtaking views, that just you would enthrall."

NARRATIVE:

That first line captures the essence of these birds exquisitely!

However, the third line does not represent the gulls that I know accurately. First, they are primarily associated with coastline areas, not the "mountains." Yes, individuals may wander inland at times, but rarely in the large groups your narrator is portraying. Second, they do not "perfectly align," as ducks and geese do. They are a rowdy bunch who fly around every which way. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHVWPJl4aYc )

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a thoroughly enjoyable interlude which took me back to the beach I love so much. Thank you for sharing!

If you are interested in learning more about the craft of composing poetry, or merely chatting among like-minded wordsmiths, we would love to have you join our discussions in "The Poet's Place " Open in new Window. group.

Let the creativity flow from your soul! *Cool*
Dave
"The Poet's Place " Open in new Window.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4530025