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Review #4520905
Viewing a review of:
Pretty Ugly Words Open in new Window. [18+]
Poetry and prose for contests. The occasional "slider" poem.
by IceSkatingSugarCube Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Christmas Glee--Lai" Open in new Window.
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  Open in new Window.
Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi IceSkatingSugarCube Author Icon,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.. It is also part of "I Write in 2019" Open in new Window..

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Your title is perfect. This is a joyful poem about the love and warmth of spending time with loved ones over Christmas. I love the images you create of snuggling with your partner and drinking eggnog with your friends. Those are definitely the best things about Christmas!

Voice/Tone: The tone is happy and warm, and it invites the reader inside your home for a brief moment. It really is a joy to read.

Mechanics: The first verse is perfect. The rhymes are spot-on and the rhythm smooth. However, the second verse isn't quite right. There are only eight lines instead of nine, and it brought me out of the poem a little. I wondered why you had done this. You are missing either line seven or eight. Also, the rhyme of trends with begins doesn't really work. It almost does, just not quite.

My Favourite Part: "Wish it all was free / no pay." Oh, I hear you! I also really like the image of eggnog and carols with friends. Music is such an important part of Christmas, and it should be enjoyed and shared with friends. This image makes me think of Christmas concerts when I was at school. Such happy occasions.

Suggestions: Only to look at the second verse. I'm not sure if you accidentally cut a line, or if it was intentional. But I would look at it.

I really enjoyed this poem. It brought back memories of happy Christmases gone by, and it left me with a lovely, warm feeling. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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