Hi, Tinker !

          Overall +/- :
My thoughts on the piece as a whole...

         It's always interesting to encounter new forms! This poem has a lovely message of forgiveness and patience as the poet tries to become more like her Creator and falls short. A wonderful example of the form with consistent rhyme and syllable counts.

          Rhythm & Flow:
Whether freeverse or tightly-structured formal poetry, flow is paramount.

         The rhyme gives this form a nice pace, and the lack of consistent meter makes it seem looser and more free. It's very interesting! I think your title is a perfect example of the feeling this form creates for me. With the rhyme scheme of the first five lines (ABABB) going forward and then the rhyme scheme for the second five lines (CCDCD) reversing the pattern of the first part, it really does feel like the form itself has "ups and downs." How cool!

          Language & Word Choice:
Because poetry is one of the briefer art forms, every word matters.

         I really enjoyed how you create a theme of "dance" with your fourth and fifth lines and continue it with references to stumbling and standing again, only to fall to the floor once more. (I loved that nice bit of internal rhyme, by the way!) The last two lines changed the metaphor to a journey down a highway. While those lines are lovely, without doubt, I think it might be more effective to keep the metaphor of a "dance of faith" consistent rather than mixing in a new metaphor at the end. For me (this may not be the case for other readers) it muddies the focus a bit.

          Things I liked :
Sometimes phrases or lines jump off the page.

I attempt to be His imitator
but often defer the dance 'til later. Lovely! I like the alliteration with "defer the dance"!

I am the bumble, stumble, everyman, Love it! And I love how the words themselves (and the cosmetic commas) create that sense of halting language.

          Suggestions:
Take them with a grain of salt.

Other than what I mentioned above under the Language and Word Choice section, nothing jumped out!

          In Closing:
Any final thoughts...

         Thank you for sharing this inspiring poem of the Creator's patience and love. The stumbling "dance" you write about is one I think we can all understand!

Write On!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .