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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4482177
Review #4482177
Viewing a review of:
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ruwth is writing... Open in new Window. [18+]
I will be adding stories & reflections as time marches on. Take a gander today!
by ruwth Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "~ The Broken Umbrella ~Open in new Window.
Review by Azrael Tseng Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Hi ruwth Author IconMail Icon,

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "ruwth is writing...Open in new Window. on behalf of "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window.. This story was chosen for review because it was the one posted before mine for Rising Stars' "I Write in 2019Open in new Window..

These are just one person's opinions; always remember only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. If I didn't respond to it quite the way you hope, perhaps you will find something useful in the feedback or forget about it - it's all up to you. It's your story.

Here's what I *Heart* best about "ruwth is writing...Open in new Window. -
I taught for almost two years at a school with special needs children, and my own son definitely has some traits--he has crazy intense concentration but needs everything to be a certain way. He also smells everything, especially anything on his plate before he eats it (even stuff he eats every day so maybe he was an imperial food taster in a previous life). So there's definitely plenty in this story I can relate to.

*BoxCheckB* 1) Plot:
A job coach learns more about ASD and how to come to terms with those who saw and responded to the world very differently.
*Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* )2) Characterization:
Is there a particular reason why you choose to identify your main character by her occupation instead of by name? This is especially curious since you include personal details about her, but knowing her only as the job coach keeps the reader from investing or identifying with her. I think a name would help.
*Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 3) Voice/Style:
I'm really not sure whether this is a narrative, even though it has some elements of one such as dialogue and a sense of progression. It doesn't quite follow any narrative structure I know, and the characters are really more a vehicle for a thematic exploration of autism.
*Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 4) Setting:
Not too many setting descriptions, although certain details such as the sound of lawnmowers, hairdryers, and the birthday cake help entrench this story in realism.
*Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* 5) Grammar & Diction:
I spotted no mistakes that I could spot. This is always the sign of a good writer, and good vetting.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*


FINAL THOUGHTS
This is definitely a theme that has the potential to resonate deeply with many people. A good start at probing into it, but I think more can be done. I look forward to it!

Thanks for a great read!


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/29/2019 @ 12:32pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4482177