Hi 🌑 Darleen - QoD ,

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Invalid Item"  on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . This poem was chosen for review because it was the one posted before mine for Rising Stars' "I Write in 2019" .

First Impression/Thoughts:
I really liked the mystical feel you managed to conjure with this poem.

Creativity/Impact:
A lot of the poetic feel is achieved through alliteration. My personal favourite is the simple but alluring name 'Forbidden Woods of Felice'. The contrast between the words, the idea of happiness being kept out of reach, creates a powerful reaction.

Message/Theme:
The poem sounds incomplete and from what has been put down into words, I gather that it's both a narrative recounting the arrival of someone of special significance to a magical place. It is also highly descriptive, capturing the atmosphere of the place.

Technique/Technical Notes:
These are just my thoughts and observations. I may not have read the work the way you intended. Please decide for yourself if these comments are helpful to you; if not, feel free to disregard them.

Title - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see.
Well, the moment something is labelled 'forbidden', who can resist? Certainly not Eve. Great hook.

Grammar/Wording - I noticed little that jarred or confounded the reading, except for one tiny detail. This is always a sign of good writing.

As soon as she step foot
stepped foot

of the tall trees that leaned in maliciously.
Nothing wrong here, but I just wonder if it might not sound better to rephrase it as
leaned in with malice.
It would rhyme with Felice.

Form/Flow -
The pome was written in free verse, which has no form or rhyme requirements. The line breaks were well placed, which aided in a smooth reading.

Emotion/Imagery -
I really like some of the imagery you used in this poem. My favourite is

heavy with the darkness
that clung underneath the canopies

However I again wonder if it might not be better to use 'beneath' instead of 'underneath'. Same meaning but it would reduce the number of syllables between 'clung' and 'canopies', making the alliterative effect work better in my opinion.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
A short but evocative read. I hope it does well in the contest.


Thank you for a wonderful read!


Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Azrael



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .