Hi, Ruth:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Monday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I can understand your reluctance to join the group and your decision not to get on the boat and headed home instead. So many times we look back and say, "I could have" or "I should have." These are decisions we make that we cannot go back and change. So many factors influence our decisions. Because our life's journey goes one way and there's no turning back, at times, we can take a risk and face the challenge. At the end of the day, hopefully, we can say, "No regrets!"

Point of View (POV)
You started with Second person POV. Stick with it. Limit yourself to one Perspective Character per scene. That means no switching POV characters within the same scene, let alone within the same paragraph or sentence. We need to remind ourselves to avoid sliding into an Omniscient viewpoint.

As far as *Mechanics, *Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

You hadn’t wanted this tidal wave to stop
A wave that had started at the Cambodian Vietnamese border. You’d found a taxi for the[ 4-hour] journey to the coast.

[I am not sure if you did this sentence this way intentionally or not. It sounds awkward and needs fixing.]

jewellery [jewelry] [spelling]

You agreed to go the long way around [that][where] they wanted to go so they could eat crabs on the way to the beach,

I noticed you have the habit of using a comma instead of a period at the end of the sentence. Try to fix this and make your narrative hum.

And there are quite a few skirmishes in your over-all mechanics like the following examples:
I wa fascinated,
I was so tempted to say yes, to forget my [fight[[flight?] the next day back to my life.

Presentation of numbers: Just thought of sharing what the authors of Writers Digest Grammar Desk Reference have to say about the presentation of numbers.

his early 60s feeling
What a joy at 53
If I was only 33 would have I gone.

Ages (of persons) Except in journalistic, business and technical contexts, spell out Ages: forty-eight years old, a twenty-three-year-old, aged ninety-seven.

Uses of Italics Why are two-thirds of your work in italics? According to the authors of Writers Digest Grammar Desk Reference, italics are used:
1) To call attention to a single letter or numeral
2) For foreign words or phrases that have yet to become a part of the English language
3) To emphasize a word or phrase within a sentence
4) For internal dialogue (instead of open and close quotation marks)
5) For titles of books or stories (as an alternative to open and close quotation marks).
6) The names of legal cases are italicized.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This story has potentials. What you need to do is revisit this and clean it up. Revise areas that may sound awkward and confusing. As in all writing, revision is the ticket to a story that readers can enjoy.

Keep writing, Ruth. You have potentials. You can do it.









My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .