Greetings, I'm honored that you asked my comments to your work, and I submit my review in concert with "a very Wodehouse challenge" .

First Impression: The opening image, with the archaic language, and subtle menace, pulled me into the story, and I started mouthing the words as I read. The speaker (first person narrative) shows his surroundings and his thoughts with detailed insight. The initial encounter is vivid both physically and its impression on the speaker.

The speaker's initial reaction, realization of what happened, then retreat from the encounter, both physically and emotionally (attempted), holds fast the reader, with tension and malice. Each paragraph moves the story forward, holds the reader's interest, with a wish that he somehow escape. When he reaches his home, the ghoul gaining ground, there's a brief respite. Then his brother's comment is disconcerting, releases the tension before the climax, then the resolution brought the story back full circle. Well done

A few technical comments: The story flowed well, first person and the archaic language in the opening created and maintained a sense of menace, increasing tension as the tale unfolded. The opening, "On the cusp of the eve..." I would suggest "on the cusp of evening..." as there is no mention of a holiday or event for which it is the eve. Also, suggest a comma after 'shadowed path,' for a brief breath. The imagery in that sentence is splendid. The next sentence, "..where my father laid to rest,.. should be "where my father was laid to rest..." or "...where my father lay in rest..." and consider "...a ghoul squatted upon its haunches..." to avoid redundancy. I see a few similar occurrences where an image feels forced, pulling just a bit out of the story.

The fourth paragraph, instead of opening with 'Suddenly' as does the fifth, consider perhaps, "Somehow, I found the strength..." Then, where Edward pulls the speaker into the house, consider splitting the sentence after "...door." Then starting the next with "I heard the lock click..."

Final thoughts: I really enjoyed each read of the story, the ominous feeling of menace and dread that stayed with me throughout the story, to the very brief respite and illusion of safety, then the resolution, the real menace renewed. I look forward to reading more of your work soon.

Write On
Kate
Kate - Writing & Reading



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .