Hello Author Ed Anderson ,

Today I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . For more information with how I rate and review, please see "Invalid Item" .


Characters

I find the characters interesting, although they also felt like stereotypes as I was going through the story. It would have been nice to get more information on the various characters and dive deeper into some of things that were happening to them. It feels like the characters are riding on the surface of something instead of diving on in.


Story Development & Pacing

While I like how much is going on in this story, it feels like the pace is far too quick. It feels like a lot of this could be considered an outline for a much larger story because it jumps from scene to scene, with each new one having something different happening that doesn't feel like it transitioned from the previous.


Dialogue

I really enjoy the wit being thrown around by some of the characters, it makes the story more lively. I think overall the dialogue is good but if the pacing were slowed a little, it could be used to make some deeper connections between the characters.


Conflict & Conclusion

I enjoy the conflict with the murder, the eccentric billionaire, and the characters themselves. When I first started the story, it felt like it has some Saw vibes but going through it, that was lost, which I think was a good thing. I would have liked a bit more exploration of the conflicts within the characters themselves, some more between them. There's a lot of opportunity with struggles with sexuality, with the tension between Jack and Joshua, that there could be more layers of conflict which would enhance the overall story.


Suggestions

I think that if you ever revisit this, it would be great to turn into a longer story. I realize that word count with this type of thing can be difficult but I wonder if you had cut it down and removed some of the middle scenes, would it have been better to do that and add more depth to the characters and more natural flow?


Final Thoughts

This was a good story and I think if it wasn't done for a contest, you could have made it longer and more in-depth to be able to really dive into these characters and the story itself. I would have loved more of a development between each character, to see more of their interactions and just how they were each dealing with every new development in the murder mystery.



All the best,
🦄🏳️‍🌈Sapph

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .