Hi Gaea - On to chapter five!

Ok, this chapter has things ramping up! I liked it a lot! I'm really getting into the story and the mystery of this woman has me coming back for more. I thought the way you did the scene in the bar with the bartender was very well done. And it turned out to be useful too as he gave Lisa valuable information. I wonder if the bartender will come into the story again later. I also thought your introduction of the new detective, Rich Harrison, was clean and intriguing. I can tell he's going to play a larger role, though I can't be sure what that is yet.

Again, your grammar and punctuation are good, though I spotted a few edits for you to make. You words in red, mine after:

He sure doesn’t act like a typical big-wig though, he seems like a nice guy, a bit quiet, but not a snob, ya know? You should probably split this sentence after "big-wig though" and start a new sentence with "He seems like a nice guy..."

I thought I’d let you know in case your still in the area in case you're still in the area

This is super nit-picky, but something I picked up on nonetheless - I don't think the best suite in the house, number 600, would be so close to the extremely noisy ice machine and slamming door of the stairwell. Maybe you can leave the layout of the hotel as-is, but have Lisa comment on the oddity of its location. Also, I've never heard of a room #600 ... aren't most rooms in hotels named, 601, 602, 603? But not 600?

Here's another suggestion I thought of while reading. With Lisa's character, I think I'm not connecting with her as well as I should be because she seems too perfect. She's getting everything right and so far nothing has gone too wrong. It would be nice to inject in this story a bit more character development. Perhaps she has a flaw that she's working through? Something that makes her not so perfect would make her more relatable as a main character.

On to the next chap!
-Emily

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