Hi
Piratess Dawniebelle 
! I'm here in your portfolio today to read and review your piece, "Already His" in celebration of your Account Anniversary month!

Congratulations on 11 years!

You are a very descriptive writer! I could easily visualize where the story took place and it was fun experiencing the events through the eyes of the girl. I did wonder what you meant by the phrase "word challenge" in the description though. Do you mean this was written for a challenge on this site?

Mostly, your grammar and punctuation were good, but I did notice a few edits you could make. Your words are in
red below, and my suggestions follow. If a comma is needed, I've added a

where the comma should go
Whimpering
she squinted carefully
A tall
pale man with blood red lips
traced it’s way slow and steady its in this case should not have an apostrophe
She won’t taste nearly as good if she’s as upset as this, he thought knowingly. italicize his thoughts using the {i}italics{/i} code.
The locked door, she thought same thing with italics here
his the moment he’d slide into the room *slid into the room
sent a thought to her unconsciousness, You’re mine now! italics again

I was left with a question though. You say, "All because of the locked door" but the door wasn't ever locked. You said she was just turning the handle the wrong way out of fear. Maybe reword that sentence a bit

And how could she have budged the door at all with the wolf hound lying in front of it?

Thank you for sharing your writing!
Take care,
Emily
![Emily - Galactic Guardian [#2167850]
For SuperPower Reviewers Group](https://www.Writing.Com/main/trans.gif)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"
E: Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!





A Knock it Out Reviewing Activity for a Cause- in celebration of WDC 18th Anniversary






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!"
.
You ignored this review. Undo |
|