Hi Veritas }

I've just finished reading your short story, "Invalid Item" , and I'd like to offer the following comments in affiliation with "The Rockin' Reviewers" .

My first impressions: I'm not sure where to begin. This is a beautifully written, heart-tugging story. Your descriptions are wonderful. You grabbed me in the first description of, "the plants slumbered through the days and tried to outlast the wind and rain." I've never read a description like that before, and I thought it was fresh and unique. Once I was inside the story, I wasn't going anywhere until the end! I really enjoyed it.

Plot: The plot is quite simple, but sometimes that's what works the best. A mother and her young son are at the beach. The boy (Ian) finds a piece of clothing in the bottom of a pool of water, and some buttons come off of it. This is the surface story. Underneath, we learn that the husband/father has died a year or so ago. The boat he was in sank. Which gives the whole story a theme of water. The woman is slightly scared of it. The other layer to the story is the setting. I'm not exactly sure when it takes place, but it's a futuristic story. The woman mentions a time when they had aeroplanes; before the gas ran out. We also learn her community is completely reliant on the sea. Boats are now their only means of transport. We see her contemplating snow throughout the story, and at the end, the pair build a sandman (like a snowman), stick the buttons on his front, and then leave him to be swept out to sea. He will keep his father company, Ian says. That part was really emotional.

What I really liked: The relationship between the mother and child is so touching. This description, where she opens her arms to him is particularly lovely: " He curled up inside them, climbing on to her lap and nestling his face into her shoulder." I love the constant looking back at how life used to be. The way she can't really remember is intriguing. I wonder what has happened to the world. I guess, it has just become used up by human kind.

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: There is only one sentence I would look at: "No. No; there was no where he would have heard music." Firstly, nowhere is one word. Also, you say, "he would have heard music," but it should be she because you're talking about the mother at this point.

Final thoughts: This is beautiful. The exploration of grief and relationships is really well done. I love how they start to come to terms with their loss by going to the water; the one thing that has been frightening them ever since Mathieu died. It's a lovely portrait of mother and son. I loved it.

Keep writing!

Choconut



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .