Hi! I'm Fivesixer's Bloody Stumps , and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! The item I'm reviewing is "Dear Ingrid" .

First Impression: Hey Minja! I'm here because I'm taking part in "Invalid Item" , and I saw this in "Invalid Item" ...and I specifically chose your item because I'm familiar with your work and admire the sincerity that often shines through in it. This poem is no exception.

What I Really Liked: I love how you were able to open up to this woman, who only a few days before was a complete stranger and just another guest on your cruise ship- another customer at the job. I've done a lot of customer service work in my life, and I know how easy it can be sometimes to bond with certain customers; for me it's the ones who came in every day and were pleasant and nice and ya always looked forward to seeing them and catching up with them. Ingrid overcame something remarkable and chose to share that with you; in that you were able to turn around and share this letter to her with us...that speaks volumes about the impact she had on you, and you've related that to us very lovingly.

Spelling And Grammar: I didn't note any spelling errors, but I did catch a few tiny, fixable grammar issues. In the fourth line (for these purposes I'm not counting "Dear Ingrid," as line 1; I'm starting at what would be the body of the letter itself, if that's ok), I think I'd add an "s" to "shape"; I think that's the best fit for that line. In the fifth line, I'd stick an "a" in between "than" and "few". In line 13, eliminate that first comma and end the line itself with a semicolon (I know semicolons are tricky for a lot of people; in this instance it's more of a suggestion that I would do, so feel free to ignore it if you want ). In your first popnote, I think "spring" should be plural...you're using it like an action verb.

Suggestions: Keep in mind Minj that these are just ideas and not meant to be criticisms in any way...I totally understand you're ESL and that doesn't factor at all into how I've read and reviewed this, and these suggestions only reflect how I'd read it in English (I hope you don't mind me doing that). Line 11 sounds a bit cluttered when said aloud; the commas don't really work there. I'd consider something like "and that your journey, paved by thorns,"...that sounds a bit smoother and cleaner. Line 14 also sounds like it's missing something, but I'm having a little bit of difficulty trying to figure out what might work best there. Maybe eliminate "in"? Or stick a "the" in before "beauty"? I guess it'd depend on what you thought would be best in that situation. Finally, I think I'd use "significance" instead of "signification"...not sure that what you had was the right form of the word there.

Final Thoughts: A really thoughtful, touching item...like I alluded to earlier, I can definitely relate to and appreciate the circumstances in which you met Ingrid, and it's sweet that you were able to have this meaningful time with her. Not only does your poem reflect that, but it also shines a light on your caring nature. Sometimes it's easy to get overwhelmed by a lot of the negativity we see in the world, but reading this brought a warm smile to my face...thank you so much for writing this .

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging!

Write on!
-Norb



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .