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Review #4359312
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Review by JMRobison Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
What you wrote in BLACK
Suggestions (and things I DON'T like in blue)
Things I LIKE in orange
STATIC comments in green that are neither a like or dislike and could be a general observation without any suggestion to change anything.
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Undertones of shame... good line.


It felt warm in between his fingers... this would flow better if you took out "in".


when he was between books, between jobs, between minds. A life stuttering, always stuck between pause and play... love the rhythm of this line. You could almost dance to it.


FINAL COMMENT: A nice, short story about a man struggling with himself and his family effected because of it. He comes to the realization at the end what he needs to do to fix it. Good writing style and good moods. Suspense where there needed to be.

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Review done by JM Robison, Fantasy Author https://www.jmrobison.com

*Dragon*My writing advice and suggestions come from 16 years, 8 completed novels, and a publishing contract. But I am only one reader. Get advice from others as well, as they may feel differently. I don't know everything, after all. Take the advice you like and trash the rest. Only you can tell this story. Never stop writing.*Dragon*

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/13/2017 @ 5:43pm EDT
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