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 Review #4358262 |
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| (4.5)   Hi Andy. I found your story, The Children of the Shadows, when I looked around your port today. Title/Description/Genre  The first thing that usually catches my eye is the title. I thought the title of this story sounded mysterious, and intriguing, so I gave it a read. It describes the children in the story in an unusual way. It tells who they are without telling their secrets. Throughout the story, even with the information you reveal, they remain mysterious. Once we've gotten to know them, the title, and the word the people give to them, Shad, say so much about them and their station in this society. Plot/Setting & Structure  This is an curious plot, to say the least. There are so many directions you can go with it, if the story continued. And even if it remains a short story, the reader can imagine many scenarios from this slice of their life. The plot was riveting, and warm. I could almost equate many of the laws and societal beliefs to today's world. This made it easy to relate to the story, and to empathize with the character's and their plight. It's the type of plot that is not difficult to follow, entertains, and keeps us on alert for them to be caught breaking the law. However, that being said, there weren't really any incidents that happened to show that danger. They spoke about the danger, but you didn't actually put them in direct danger. Character/POV & Voice The characters were well likeable. I felt like I knew Dagen and Michael, and I was hoping they would be able to spend time together without any issues. While there were several attributes to Dagen spoken about, her actual age, etc., due to being a child of the shadows, I couldn't really see any of those differences or attributes. She also had human characteristics too, like compassion and love, which made her easy to connect with. Michael was a typical "man in love," and acted the way you would expect him to, defiant of the rules, and desire to be with the one he loved. Their voices really didn't sound all that different from each other though. Dialogue & Descriptions The dialogue was rather formal for a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, regardless of their differences. I would have thought they would be more at ease with each other that their conversations would be more personal, and more nervous about the laws they would be breaking. Your descriptions were clear enough to get an idea of the environment, but there was more dialogue than narrative. Tone/Flow & Pacing The tone seemed to be one of formality and seriousness. The flow is a nice even stream of narrative and conversation, where neither is overdone. Each of your paragraphs flow smoothly into the next, and I found myself anticipating the next one as I read. I believe I felt this way because I was waiting for more tension or an incident of imminent danger to occur, and it didn't. Punctuation/Spelling & Grammar Your punctuation and spelling is usually spot on, or only having a minor missing mark, that your stories are always always enjoyable to read. I saw nothing that pulled my immediate attention. And while there may be a few edits you can make, nothing distracted my reading pleasure.  Closing Comments This is an interesting story, as well as one that could be very intense, if they experienced a bit more immediate danger, and a little more showing of the differences between her and Michael. A wee bit more of these two things would turn this into a five-star story. Nice job! Dee   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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