\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4355481
Review #4355481
Viewing a review of:
 
Image Protector
Be My Open in new Window. [E]
A poem of wishes...of hope...of asking to just, be.
by Faith Raine Author Icon
Review of Be My  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones 2017Open in new Window.. I would first like to welcome you to writing.com (WDC). This is a good community to get into. This review is simply one authors opinion of your work.

Overall Impressions~
I enjoyed your poem. Love stories and poems are my favorite things to read and write. You want someone who is there for through thick and thin, all of life's ups and downs.
The part I liked about this poem The one to understand the craziness that fills me but stays around knowing that there's more that defines me.

Recommendations~
The changes I recommend are just that recommendations, you choose to change this poem or not.
It seems that the phrase "Be my person" is the beginning of a new subject. You can lengthen this by adding a space between each of the stanzas
But stays around knowing that there's I would change the but to yet. Because you are describing the same thing, adding the but changes the direction of the sentence.
My person in line 13. I think you should have "Be my person"
Knowing a person can be theirs alone I understand what you are saying, in that, you are one with this other person and you are also your own person. The way this sentence is written does NOT fit in this poem because everything else speaks of being together, this speaks of being alone.

Conclusions~
You've got a good poem. You seem like a talented writer. This review was meant to help you. It is my hope that I have done that or at least given you something to think about.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/24/2017 @ 5:34pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4355481