House Florent "Game of Thrones" 

A review for "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 

Hi

My name is Prosperous Snow celebrating , I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Who is She?

First Impression: The first sentence hooked me with the sun beaming on the woman's face. The woman knows her fate, so she walks confidently toward it without fear or hesitation.

What needs your attention: This story is written in a single long paragraph, which makes it a bit difficult to read. I suggest breaking up into two or three short paragraphs. That would make it easier to read and could help build the suspense.

What part I liked best: I like the climax because I expected her to be struck by the bus. Also like the last two sentences because they brought my thoughts back to the title and deepened the mystery of who she was.

Overall impression: The plot moves smoothly from the beginning to the climax. The author makes the descriptions part of the action while building the suspense. The climax is a bit of a surprise, but not so much a surprise as to shock the reader. Despite the fact that the story was somewhat difficult to read, because of the single paragraph, I enjoyed reading it. I enjoyed it because of the descriptions were written in an active, rather then a passive, voice.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .