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 Review #4319473 |
 | Coming of a Flower  [E] Nature at it's finest !  |
| (3.5)| Hi Danial Lucas My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Coming of a Flower" on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers" . First Impression/Thoughts: A bit uneven but I like the images you've conjured up with your words.  Creativity/Impact:I like the repetitive line. It really underscores the image and focuses your words. Unfortunately, it also ties your hands in making the line to line transitions go easy. Overall, nicely done.  Message/Theme: Uhhh, Earth Day?  Okay, I'm a bit prejudiced since this is an Earth Day review activity LOL. You've used connotation nicely to show spring's arrival by capturing the growth of a flower. Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet. Title: It caught my attention and will surely catch the attention of other readers. The "teaser" line (or description  ) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I'm not sure "Nature at its finest" captures or promotes the content of the poem but it does add interest. Grammar/Wording: Your language is chosen to bring the image of the flower to light in various stages of its life. I had trouble understanding "Purple's golden ... hue." Is Purple a kind of flower and, if so, why is a Purple golden? I could almost imagine an Iris that has both colors but if that's it, why not call it an Iris. Form/Flow: You wrote this in Quatrains using an abab rhyme. Your rhymes were strong. I felt you sacrificed clarity a bit to maintain a consistent meter as in your closing verse:soon the fall will bring no more the coming of a flower Will bring no more ... what? You imply flowers from the final line but "the coming of a flower" really makes it difficult to see that. Rather than sticking to a repetitive line just repeat "flower." Then you can tailor the final line to "awakening of flowers."  Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:  An enjoyable read even if I struggled with some of your images. The beauty of nature and the triumph of the flower were well captured in your poem. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017, Ken
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You responded to this review 04/25/2017 @ 12:28am EDT