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 Review #4319357 |
 | Sweet Breath of Gaia  [E] Gaia protectors celebrating Earth Day every day.  |
| Hi turtlemoon-dohi It's just me, Ken and yes, I'm coming to bug you again ... but not too much  I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Sweet Breath of Gaia " on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers" . First Impression/Thoughts: This is a wonderful essay on saving our planet. Your opening proverb, "We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors. We borrow it from our children" set the tone and you made a wonderful case for why we should care. I noticed you listed this as a "Draft" so I'll be gentle . Creativity/Impact:I think you tend to hide your own wisdom at times behind quotations. You are a wonderful writer and while I appreciate reading the wisdom of others, it's your wisdom that shines here.  Message/Theme: Uhhh, Earth Day? Seriously, you've captured the malaise that we seem to have about the damage we do in the name of progress particularly in the realm of energy. If we can't breathe, can't drink the water, and can't find food to eat, does it really matter if the lights are on? Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the writer. Title: I thought "Honor Earth" was a perfect title to catch the attention of readers. The "teaser" line (or description  ) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Not very creative but informative. Grammar/Wording: Your language is well thought out and you make a persuasive argument for moving beyond the petrochemicals of today to embrace renewable energy. Form/Flow: Written in an essay format, you layout the problem and then provide your thoughts/arguments for a solution. It read well and I personally couldn't agree with you more.. Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: An enjoyable read even if the subject was our own indifference to what we're doing to the world. I question whether or not we really are "an intelligent society" when so many blindly follow the false prophets that are our "leaders." Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017, Ken
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You responded to this review 04/26/2017 @ 8:36pm EDT